i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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