Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
