We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize