Got a toothbrush?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
