I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
