I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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