I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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