How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
