When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
