At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
