no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
