I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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