Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
