When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
