I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
