at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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