I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize