I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
