A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize