Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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