can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
