Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
