Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
