Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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