You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize