i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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