he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
