You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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