Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
