Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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