i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
