yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
