Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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