if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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