do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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