I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
