you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
