He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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