I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
