i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
