Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize