dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
