omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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