He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
