there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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