Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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