The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
