ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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