My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
