I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think my tv is drunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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