Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
