she woke up with a sticky ear
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
