new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize