very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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