I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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