You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
