Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
