It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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