I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
