wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
