its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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