There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
