Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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