the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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