she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
