Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
