he puts the penis in happiness.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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