He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize