Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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