Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
