I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am naked and annoyed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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