; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
