There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
