I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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