I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a burrito and a hug.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
