why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
