i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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