That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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