I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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