she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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