I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
