I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize