i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize