It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
