How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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