my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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