Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
