Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
