The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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