So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize