just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
