saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
