I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
