4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
two words: eviction party
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
