I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
