You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize