Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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