where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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