you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
