Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
