I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
