I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
