you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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