So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
